5 Really Expensive Wastes of Money I Found on Ebay

Bored and lacking a subject to write about, I decided to turn to that great marketplace out there on the internets, Ebay.  When in doubt of something to write about, you can generally find something interesting there.

Where has that arm been?

1. “right to tattoo my left forearm from elbow to wrist”

Number of Bids: 0

For a donation of 5 million dollars US confirmed in the bank account of Gorilla Repertory Theater Company, Inc. (www.gorillarep.org), a registered US and NYC charity,  I will give you the right to have my left forearm tattooed by a professional tattoo artist of my choice with whatever you want it to say, subject to my prior approval.

Here’s the thing.  If I was the type of guy who had an extra $5 million laying around I can see myself taking this brave fellow up on his offer.  Sure, it’s a lot of money, but the satisfaction of giving this guy an enormous Creed tattoo, or maybe a graphic illustration of a naked John Goodman would be worth a few chuckles.

Wait a minute.  This guy, who wants FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, has restrictions.

NO hate slogans or hate symbols, do not even ask.

What about, um… I Hate CGI Smurfs?

This ain’t worth it. Too many restrictions.

Next, please.

I can see the future, and I'm broke

2. $111,000 TITUBA The Salem Witch QUARTZ CRYSTAL Ball

It’s…um… a crystal ball? Is it magic? It must be magic. You can buy magic crystal balls on Ebay? Even a Muggle like me? Now, $111,000 seems like a lot of money, but maybe it can predict winning lottery numbers or something, which would make it a pretty good investment.

Let’s read about it.

1 Once in a MILLION year occurrence (certainly once in a lifetime) crystal ball named TITUBA.

Tituba is a sphere of genuine natural quartz crystal (NOT man made). What sets her apart from your ordinary run of the mill crystal ball is that below her polished surface can clearly be seen the naturally occurring silhouette of the Salem Witch soaring above a yellow moon!

So…it’s kinda the Wiccan equivalent of a piece of toast with the questionable image of Jesus on it or something?

It does have free shipping though. I’ll put this one on the back burner.

Number of bids: 0

Worf also sounds like barf

3.RARE Star Trek Troi & Worf Plate Set of 2- Only 6 Made!

Here’s how this went down.

Scene: Two people working in a Star Trek Comemmerative Plater Factory

Person One: Who would want to eat off of Worf’s face?  It looks like a Gila monster that was run over on the highway last week.

Person Two: I love you.  Let’s get married.

End scene.

Also, $10,000??? I can see three easy payments of $19.99 at best.

Pass.

I look pretty in makeup

4. Greenday green day Video concert footage 1991 45min

Dude, I have a VHS of Green Day performing in 1991.  Give me $100,000 for it.

“But… what if you’ve made copies?”

Dude, I totally didn’t.  Pinky swear.

“Sounds good to me!”

$12m of creepy

5. Rare Horsman Put On My Make-Up Pert N Pretty Doll 03361

Twelve. Million.  Dollars.

I’m just going to let the seller speak for themselves here:

Very Rare Horsman Doll

Put On My Make-Up Doll!

Vintage and Rare.

Still in original box.

Box has a tear on top right.

3 make-up items are in the box,

but not in their original slots.

truly rare doll. Box never opened.

Pert N Pretty

Comes with Comb set and style my hair.

Style number 03361

Made in USA

Any reasonable offer accepted.

YES, it is $12-mill or best offer.

And here I was, excited that it was maybe one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse or something.  Nope, just some creepy doll.  O